Thursday, January 3, 2013

A letter to 2 members of my family.


We haven't spoken in a year and a half.  In that time, I've wanted to write you many times, but I just didn't know what to say and how to say it.

Let's first start off by stating the obvious.

There is no way I would ever "steal" a name that Samantha chose while she wasn't pregnant.  I was still pulling for Gwendolyn or Zoe at that point.  While I was 7 months pregnant, Ben came to me one day and said that he had been thinking on a name and would fit her middle name perfectly.  The name, obviously, was Delilah.  Her middle name has been picked out long before she was born.  When Ben and I first talked about marriage back in 2004, we also talked about children.  I always said that I wanted my future daughter to have the middle name Jean because it was both my Grandma's and my mom's middle name.  It held very special meaning to me.  My mom never suggested any names to me, nor would she suggest a name that Samantha had mentioned.  That's just not something that people do.  I think, deep down, you know that.  I think you've always known that.

So since some new information has come to light, I think I'll address it here.
Ben picked Delilah's name in September of 2011. Sam's new baby was born in June.  She wasn't pregnant when he suggested the name.  So when you told my mom that the other day in town, you were lying.  9 months before June would be October/November.
For bringing my sister-in-law into things, she and I talked, and she told me that the subject of Delilah's beautiful name has never come up between her and Jevin.  In fact, she says that Jevin has nothing but nice things to say about Ben.  The only logical explanation for you saying that Rachel told Jevin that I chose the name, not Ben, is that you're lying...yet again.
I realize that you're in a real bind because you've probably realized how badly this has gone.  How the lies and deceit have buried you.  It's too bad, because it's never going to be like it was before.  There is NO WAY I want my daughter around you, knowing how you can turn your back so quickly...and Samantha?  I don't need to list the reason I don't want Delilah around her, do I?  Even before all this, she and I hadn't actually talked in 2 years or so aside from the occasional fb comment. Our lives our completely different, and we are completely different people.  Thank goodness.


After thinking long and hard about your reaction, I realized that you had to take Samantha's side, even knowing that she was lying.  She is your child and has your grandchild (now grandchildren).  She may have become angry at you, and kept Lilly away from you.  I can see that happening.  I know it's happened before when she's been upset with you.
It still doesn't take the anger and the hurt out of the situation though.  After helping you through all that you were going through, being your support system when everything was happening, giving you a place to live, furniture, and helping you find a place of your own.  You were able to just drop my mom with a snap because your daughter lied about a situation.

You know that Samantha has always lied to try and get me in trouble or make others believe things about me.  She did it a lot when we lived together, she tried doing it at Grandma's a bunch, and it happened as adults now.  I have always tried to look past that part of her because we were family.  Seeing what she did now though, she drew a line down the middle of what's left of our family, and no one is saying anything about's troubling to say the least.  She's not answering for her lying, and I honestly wonder if she believes it or if she knows she's not being truthful.  I'd like to think that you at least know the truth, but took her side because of Lilly, but I'm not sure.

I hope that one day it's not like this, but after such a betrayal, I don't know if a true reconciliation is even possible.

I wonder what Grandma would say if she was here and could see the way you treated my mom and the way that Samantha treats the family and herself.  I know she'd be disappointed.  That must be such a heavy feeling on your heart, knowing that the one person we all truly loved wouldn't be happy with your actions.

I don't know if we'll ever talk in person again, and I'm honestly OK with that.  I want people in my life and in my family that I can count on, not just those that need me and can leave me.  I want people in my life who love unconditionally, not just for what I can offer.  I want people in my life that my daughter can look up to and love, not those whom I hope that she would never be like.  Family isn't just blood, and I love the family that I have.

I guess that's all I really have to say now.  I don't know if this will fan the flames of the lies more, or if you'll actually take what I say to heart.  I hope it's the latter.  I hope that you continue to be able to live with the guilt over how you've treated your sister, niece, and grandniece.  Good luck in life, and I hope you find true happiness...not just the fake glossy "happiness" that you sought when you believed a lie that ultimately cost you the one person who has always been there you're entire life.

I'll add this in:  What would your mother think of all of this?  What do you think she would say about your behavior, about Samantha's?  Do you think she would approve?  She'd be heartbroken to see the way you two have acted.



Let me start off by saying congratulations.  You have successfully pulled people in our family apart.  I'm sure that makes you feel like you have power in some way, but I think it's pretty darn sad.

I must tell you, I think your whole life is sad.  You have made yourself into a permanent victim for your entire life.  Each time something happens in your life negatively (because of a choice you made), you would blame it on something else...when we were little, it's that you never saw your dad much.
Let me lay something out for you:  That's no excuse.  I never saw my dad, and you had a stable father figure in your life from the time when you were 4 and on.  You used that as an excuse to make bad choices and have people feel sorry for you.  I never did.  I was in a similar situation, but I made good choices, and am living an amazing life.

I know all about your sexual escapades in Harrisonville.  It's a small town, things get around.  In fact, when I started dating Ben, he knew someone you worked with and was told that you slept with almost every guy that you worked with.  I wasn't surprised...and I wasn't surprised when I found out you had herpes.  That is so disgusting, I can't even describe the level of gross.  I know all about you and David searching out sexual partners on craigslist.  (And you tried to blame it all on him, like you had no part in it...even though you were a "swinger" too)  Doing that with your kid  You're not only a bad person, but you're not a very good mom either.  How could you meet up with random people and bring them back to the house where your child was?  That's dangerous and stupid.  I wasn't surprised when David left you for the woman you were swinging with.  Did you think it would get him back getting together with the swinger's husband?  That's so twisted, it could be a Jerry Springer episode.  I mean, really.

Before all that swinging stuff, you were living in a trailer on David's parents' running water or anything.  What the hell were you doing?  There is government assistance housing for people like you, so your daughter doesn't have to suffer for your bad choices.  That's terrible.  You should feel awful.  I hope Lilly was too young to ever remember that.

Lying to your mom to cause a rift in the family.  You have ALWAYS wanted things I have and have made up countless lies about me to try and get me in trouble or cause trouble for me.  Case in point, that tattoo on your back? I described that to you a month before you got it.  I wasn't surprised when you did get it though, you've always wanted what I've had.  Jealousy shines through you with a bright green light.  Everyone knows you're a liar.  Hell, your own mother admitted that you're a liar.  Unfortunately, you have Lilly now, and your mom knows that you'd keep Lilly from her if she didn't go along with your lies.  That's so demented.  You would have said that you liked any name that I would have picked, I guarantee it.  That's just the kind of person you are. What's sad, is that Ben picked out the name.  How were you to know that though?  You saw and opportunity and ran with it.  Again, I'm not surprised.  You seize the moment.

Your mom and Lilly are so wrapped up in your manipulation.  There will come a day when you will abandon your mom again, and she won't have anyone to go back to.  Maybe that's already happened, I don't know, because I've cut all ties with you and your mom.  I can't have people like you two in my life.  There's too much negativity, too much drama, too much lying.  I would never want to bring Delilah around you guys.  Exposing her to that is something that's just not going to happen.  That would be irresponsible parenting on my part.

While you live with your (married) boyfriend and your newest child out of wedlock and his other children, I'll be living the good life with my husband, Delilah, and our pets.  You enjoy living in Butler, in a dirty house, with no education, and I'll be off in Germany traveling Europe with my wonderful family.  Do you REALLY think that I'm jealous of you, or want ANYTHING you have?  I have it all and more.  Your actions show just how despicable of a person you are and just how jealous you are of the life I lead.  It's pathetic.

What would Grandma think of your behavior?  Not just manipulating and lying, but being such a whore?  Do you think she'd be proud of you?  Your behavior would have made her cry.  How sad your life must be.

Enjoy your life of lies, Samantha.  I hope it was all worth it.


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