Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Dear “attention-seeker”,
I would like you to know that everyone knows that you’re in the room.  I would also like you to know that not everyone wants you, nor do they want you to want them.  You are no longer the person you used to be, so it would probably be a smart idea to stop pretending/acting like you are.  Please stop pointing things out to embarrass other people to make yourself look better.  It’s annoying.  Also, every single person who hangs out with you knows about all of this.

Dear “no-personality”,
I bet you would be a really cool person if you would just be yourself.  I know people would like you.  You seem friendly enough, but we really don’t know because you’re pretending to be someone else.  It was funny at first, but now it’s really weird.  Please stop.

Dear “husband-hater”,
Wow, I have NEVER seen someone’s husband so whipped in my entire life.  That’s not love, dearie, that’s servitude.  I don’t know what kind of blackmail you have over him, but dang, it must be good!  Anyway, I just want you to know that everyone feels sorry for him.  It’s really horrible how you act to him, and I want you to know that he’s actually a really nice person!  You should give him a chance more often.

Dear “I-get-drunk-and-slutty-every-weekend”,
I think it’s funny how you are constantly talking about how wasted you are/were on fb, and about dudes that you hang out with.  I would like you to know that people started hanging out with you because you had drugsthat’s all.  Also, I watched someone spray deodorant in your hair one time because it smelled.

Dear “Munchausen-Syndrome”,
I do not believe a single word you say anymore.  No one is that happy about being sick, unless there is something wrong in his/her head.  You get this weird gleam in your eyes when you talk about how “sick” you are, and it’s happiness!  I know you totally love the attention that it gives you, but I find it disgusting, and I’m not going to give you anymore attention about it.  Stop trying to share your every detail with me, and stop trying to pry me and everyone else about things we don’t want to talk about.  You’re freaking crazy.  You’re also lucky that I’m a nice person and just vent via the internet or I could/would totally make you cry.

Dear “people-pusher”,
Naw, I don’t mean that you actually physically push peoplebut you pushed a bunch of people away based on a bunch of lies.  I don’t put up with certain things, and a two-faced person is one of those things. I could have integrated you, but you shut me out, and that’s ok.  It’s not my problem, but just knoweveryone loves me.

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