Being a military wife is a game, at least where I live right now. It's a game that took me a few months to learn, but I think I'm getting the hang of it. It's all about appearances, hidden meanings, and material possessions...all of which I either do not care about or do not care to participate in.
I know that when I do not choose to hang out with "the girls", things will be said about me. (Now, please keep in mind, I do not mean ALL the wives are like this, just a select few). As much as people proclaim that they do not talk about people, they do. She who gossips to you will gossip of you. It's really that simple. So then the question arises: Should I go and hang out and not really have fun, or should I do what I want to do and risk being gossiped about? I choose the latter 99% of the time.
When I first moved here, I probably chose the former more often so I wouldn't rock the boat and make things uneasy for Ben with some of the husbands. Well, pretty much everyone likes me with the exception of a couple, so I really have nothing to worry about!
People gossip out of jealousy. Well, at least that's what I've seen out here. It may be money, looks, relationships, or something else, but it's always about jealousy. Here's the thing though, I'm not jealous of anyone, which is why the only time I say anything about anybody is out of annoyance. I have a great relationship, we don't have money problems, I like how I look, and there's really nothing else.
I can see why some of them gossip though. I have not seen too many healthy relationships in this town. I see a lot of one-sided relationships where it's obvious that one person is not happy at all. I see a lot of discouraging remarks made from one side of the relationship to the other that I would never ever stand for, and yet these people do.
I see a lot of money problems out here, but it's never because people don't make enough, it's because of greed and laziness. If you do not have a child, there is no excuse for you to stay at home and mooch off of your husband. Stop buying designer purses/jeans/etc...and just buy something inexpensive and cute. Your purses/jeans/etc...are ugly, and you're paying an exorbitant amount for them. There's nothing wrong with buying nice things, but there comes a point when you have to stop wasting money.
I also see a lot of flirting. It's weird to flirt with someone in front of your husband of x amount of years and all of his friends. I have come to the realization that maybe it's not just about liking the person you're flirting with, but wanting to be labeled as "the hot wife". OK, that's fine, but your reputation and character suffer with that title, and no one sees these people that way. There's a desperation with that kind of attitude, one that all the men see, and the observant women (like myself) see as well. Listen, here's my advice. Be comfortable with yourself, be yourself, and love your family. That's what makes people like you (unless you have a vile personality, and then I can't help you at all).
So my advice to military wives:
1. Do not gossip about those that are not around. They will find out, and you will no longer have a good reputation.
2. Always stick up for your friends. If you don't, you will lose valuable ones in favor of others who will turn on you in time.
3. Pick your battles.
4. Don't be a sloppy drunk.
5. Be yourself.
6. Don't flirt with your husband's friends or coworkers. (that should be a given, right?)
7. Don't spread rumors, especially if you do not have all the facts or were not there.
8. Do not start internet drama.
9. Do favors for those around you, they will be returned 10 fold.
10. Make judgments few and far between. We are all different, and your attitude may turn people away if you're not careful.